I was going through my address book recently looking for people who might be able to host international visitors for a festival I am involved in and I came across the names of people I used to know. People who I used to be involved with both personally and professionally. And looking at these photographs when I friend I hadn’t heard from phoned. She was excited and bubbling over with mirth in a way that told me she was in love or more likely in lust with a new love. She plays the whole field so it could be any one but something made me sniff it out before she told me. The dilemma I faced was did I tell her said new love was a complete nightmare and bad news on about as many fronts as one could imagine! Of course I told her and was relieved that she knew and was just going to enjoy the journey. I await a phone call and the need to make up the spare bed so she can put arnica on her bruises meterophorically speaking. We always think we will be fine but the pain sometimes needs to be soothed anyway.
These photos are of my granny and I have always wondered why she kept the photos of a merchant seaman who she ‘dated’ in common parlance. Basically she loved him and he left her. He must have represented excitement and had a special place in her life otherwise why would she have kept them years after she had married and had her children. I have them on my bookshelf alongside ones of her with my papa who she married. He was very different, a grumpy butcher who died within months of retiring. Granny had a long time to reflect.
What attracts us to the wrong people? Why do we go back to people who treat us despicably, always believing that this time things will be different? Intelligent women who are too trusting, too lovely and too vulnerable to flattery; needing to be loved in whatever way is on offer? I embrace my spinsterhood having tired of the emotional bear pit that is too often the case in relationships. To love someone else you need first to love yourself surely; why I wonder is this so hard?
So dear sophisticated ladies indulge yourselves; luxuriate in the arms of young lovers; feel the warmth of muscular bodies; laugh with joy! But for heaven’s sake don’t ever take it too seriously! There can be nothing more off-putting than the scent of desperation ~ you are all worth so very much more.