A Perfect Way to End the Week

I’ve just spent an hour reading ‘Aliens Love Underpants’ to my three year old godson; over and over with a brief interlude to race cars in the hall. My poor neighbour probably thought there was a fight going on next door! Ironically it was the perfect way to end what has been another utterly random week.

As the first Christmas cards arrived the festive nudge could no longer be ignored although it came too late to take advantage of the scout post (again)! Once again I start by deciding not to send Christmas cards to people I see; apart from neighbours and fellow early morning swimmers who don’t understand this ‘weird’ behaviour! So of course I bought (charity) cards with cute ridiculous glittery kittens; the adults will get the nativity scenes left over from last year.

The whole festive thing is a constant bemusement to me exchanging gifts with people I haven’t seen all year and in some cases haven’t actually been in contact with. I wouldn’t want you to think I was a miserly spinster because that’s not actually true but a bit of me does resent the obligation of Christmas beyond close family and friends. And let’s be honest none of us is exactly wading through piles of cash at the moment; surely it means more to make the time to see people?

I will continue to ponder too long and end up wrapping gifts into the small hours again! But after my fruitful Friday passing on half my wardrobe to a friend’s daughter I am on a roll in terms of clearing space in the house. I plan to learn to love space and see what might fill the vacuum created (other than dust bunnies of course).

On line dating and chat rooms have featured in conversation with several friends and acquaintances this week. When did relationships become so complicated or do I mean artificially manufactured? I confess to having dabbled with Guardian Soul Mates some years ago when a friend and I, then aged 22 and 25 respectively, advertised ourselves as having ‘own hair’ and ‘own teeth’. We found this hilarious and yes we got a few responses; even went on a couple of dates until we got bored with it all; no staying power at all!

The whole on-line dating process gives you a false sense that you know someone. A close friend regaled me of her exploits on a chat room site called ‘Whose Near Me’. It is quite curious how after a matter of weeks she has her special ones including an Indian entrepreneur (Shining Knight) who ‘talks’ to her when his wife is in bed and a guy in Virginia into hunting, shooting and fishing! Most people seem to be quite open about being married whilst equally eager to indulge in explicit sex talk. So far she has had four proposals of marriage!

The question is does this constitute being unfaithful? If your real partner knows what you’re up to (although probably not the nature of the conversations) is this OK? Is there a level of honesty or is it blatantly dishonest? For my friend (and her daughter) the virtual intimacy is filling something missing in real life. It is hilarious that my friend and her daughter have on occasions found themselves both corresponding with the same guys! In some cases she is ‘hotter than her daughter’!

The whole thing scares me ever so slightly as the level of emotional investment is huge and if it all peters out then the pain will be absolutely real and not the least virtual. And then how do you explain why your mood has changed from ecstasy to deep sadness. Surely you must wonder what the person is really like, if they are telling you the truth or an airbrushed version of it – perhaps that’s just me being too cautious.

This week I had one of those moments of clarity when I suddenly saw someone I have known for years in quite a different light. When the friendship seemed to disintegrate before my very eyes; when the macho banter I had previously found endearing became a veneer hiding an insecure judgemental individual. Hmm how long have I been kidding myself I wondered – that would be the best part of a decade!

Having had this personal epiphany what do I do now? Honestly say ‘I’ve realised your full of the proverbial s**t or just let it gradually die a death all on its own? Pragmatically I’ve already bought the Christmas present and I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings although their ability to stamp all over mine is legendary! It is really quite disabling being brought up to be polite!

The weekend will conclude with needing to consume four small bottles of dye in preparation for the CT scan. I have tried to work out what colour the dye is but so far holding the brown vessels up to the light hasn’t been terribly revealing. What if it’s not my colour? If it doesn’t show me – (my organs) – in their best light? The contrast may not be a favourable representation of the true picture. The Surgeon is an attractive man and one would always prefer to look ones best!

The challenge of the strong wind this week played havoc with my recent foray into hat wearing. Day one I almost lost the black cloche shell to the wheels of a bendy bus. Day two in Starbucks I got some curious looks and then didn’t know what to do with the blessed thing once I sat down. Hat hair is not a good look on anyone!

This paled into insignificance when I got in the car after a meeting yesterday evening and caught sight of myself in the rear view mirror. Punch panda kohl eyes glared back at me! I wondered how long I had looked thus. Tracing back my steps I can only assume that when I got caught in the wind/rain weather combo around 3.30 my eyeliner had dissolved. Since 3.30 I had been in a client meeting and had dinner with a colleague. So how many people had seen me looking like I possessed harridan and said nothing? Mortified doesn’t go anywhere near how I felt at this point!

Sophistication is going to require the purchase of a new eyeliner pencil coupled with more fastidious checking of my appearance than I am accustomed to! Standards have begun to slip but please be assured that normal service will be resumed immediately (after the scan interlude on Monday when I suspect I am required to arrive naked (of war paint I hasten to add)!!


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Filed under Musings of a Contemporary Spinster

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