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Dearest Sophisticated Readers

I simply had to tell you that the Spinster, my good self, is flipping-  (frankly a somewhat stronger expletive is required by for decency’s sake I will resist) – psychic! Following receipt of the meaningless missive from the Dental Hospital I duly telephoned my dental practice for an appointment. In the interim, just as I was getting ready to leave the house to go to the (utterly disappointing Circa) on Saturday my temporarily filled tooth broke! Half the tooth just fell away as I was speed feeding myself Galaxy (fresh from the fridge) – my inner clock works at a slower speed at the weekend it seems and I had lost myself in whatever earth shatteringly important task I was undertaking. Consequently I hadn’t got around to finding something nutritionally balanced to suck up through a straw and the likelihood of my guts grumbling in the auditorium was high – hence scoffing Galaxy (in my defence).

I marginally avoided doing a handstand as I attempted to launch myself across the bedroom to scrutinise the accessory ensemble I was wearing in the mirror; balance is, well, a fine thing when one has grasped the basics of core stability and when you haven’t got it (or have a break in ones nervous transmission meaning you can’t flick the appropriate stop switch – the laws of motion defy me these days – think Tom and Jerry cartoon when the cat skids across the floor)! So as I careened towards the seat in front of (what I laughingly refer to as) my dressing table I chomped down – as a prelim to sucking (chocolate -please keep it clean!) – I felt gritty bits in my mouth. Exploring the problem further with my tongue I found several pieces of tooth – or temporary filling – or both. Deep joy I thought quickly followed by bugger what a waste of £40 (the filling) plus £1.70 (Galaxy)!

But hey I wasn’t about to let the prospect of agonising dental pain get in the way of a night admiring acrobats – not when I had 2 tubes of extra strength Orajel to numb the ‘discomfort’ and everything else caught in the path of a shaking finger as I applied the gel. So that’s precisely what I did! My friend and I were a little underwhelmed by the Wunderkammer performance – the flier image was a teaser that was never realised as far as we short-sighted spinsters could see – next time take opera glasses to ensure one can fully appreciate the musculature the performers have worked so hard to perfect! It could be an age or taste thing but frankly swallowing and snorting elastic strips so the disappear into the mouth and reappear down the nostrils – gross gross gross and not big or clever!

So the reason for this short missive is to tell you that the Dentist has referred me to another department at the Dental Hospital; I was right he doesn’t want to see me! Thankfully I have another appointment for Thursday to fill in the broken tooth AGAIN – another £40 plus that I will never see again. Last time I let him near my chops the bill was £140 as apparently 4 fillings had been applied – to two adjacent teeth – but at least I knew he’d done something as he had used 4 needles as part of the procedure – the next day bruising was impressive!

And e bay what is it all about? I mean really do people make real money? The sales haven’t been bad but the packaging and parcelling business is a whole different story for the incompetent – kittens and balls of wool (or in my case cellotape) come to mind! (Or perhaps Edwina Scissorhands). If I were to do this seriously I’d have to engage the help of an able-bodied parcel carrier – on two crutches with poor balance the zebra crossing is hilariously dangerous – seriously I have seen the incredulous looks on the faces of the car drivers (who don’t seem to consider mocking the afflicted to be bad form)! Mother Christmas eat yer heart out and kiddies brace yerself as the pressies are literally tossed in your direction – I feel another paralympic sport coming on!


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Filed under Musings of a Contemporary Spinster

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