Cruella, the curiously quaint name the Spinster has given to her MS, is busy at the moment; she is rather more impatient to make progress with the path of deterioration than one is comfortable with. The problem is I am having trouble keeping up with the adjustments needed to simply keep on top of daily living; bitch bitch bitch; snarl snarl snarl; bored bored bored! Enough already I hear you shout – believe I’ve been doing a significant amount of silence screaming myself of late!
The walking has been at a snail’s pace for sometime; I hadn’t realised a human body could propel itself quite so slow and remain upright. I have to adopt a graceful glide as if perpetually slightly distracted by something terribly interesting in the shop windows I’m passing; less convincing when its the hoardings shrouding derelict buildings or more awkwardly residential properties when I appear to be constantly looking into the middle distance! You this is why its simply essential that I look my best because no one gets a fleeting glance at the Spinster who always passes in slow motion…
This week I had to give in and accept that the only thing was to have a shorter hair cut; my manual dexterity is poor these days, I can’t grip the brush sufficiently and find myself constantly dropping it or more amusingly propelling it into the air! Then scrambling for it on the floor not only can I not grasp it my poor spacial awareness means I have to concentrate hard and stare at the brush to make sure my hand is in the general vicinity – the alternative is ending up scratching the carpet! Which will create fun and games when the lovely sheepdog Zita is coming to stay – she is going to think its a game!
When I’ve managed to grasp the brush sufficiently my arms are too weak to keep going for long enough to style my hair – the soft water in Derbyshire doesn’t help but no I’ve had to accept my limitations. Yesterday the outcome was thus – pretty good but then I didn’t have anything to do with this did I!
Today this is what I managed; and no it is not yet to my liking but isn’t it always like that the day after a new hair cut. Reassuringly the two people I saw today were complimentary without being prompted! But frankly the Slimfast is calling from the cupboard as my cheek bones aren’t nearly prominent enough to carry this cut off! Hair dresser gave me some elaborate makeup tips on how to emphasise the shadow of the cheekbone but with this level of manual incompetence the best I can hope for is not to look like I’ve got third degree burns! Except today I did manage to burn my finger tips when I misjudged the proximity of the straightens and grasped the hot plates firmly! Ouch!
And then there is removing the labels from prescription boxes – is this taking identity theft paranoia too far?? Given that I have spent an hour putting out my drugs for a fortnight there is a lot of time engaged in managing ones condition (activity 1) – tomorrow I’ll be seeing the Dr for a mere 14 items which I will collect in multiple carrier bags (free for prescriptions but I do wish they wouldn’t put name labels on them)!
And then there are the things I have to give up doing; decanting things, you know coffee into jars, cotton buds into ‘posh’ bathroom things
And whilst on the matter of drugs I have finally been given the Fentanyl pills rather than the lollies. as an aside the tiny pill is the active ingredient; the difference between the size of the pill and the size of the lolly is sugar, 2 grams per lolly.
And note the instructions on the box.. not quite sure this is what its meant…
Well it’s hard enough getting the lollies out of the packets now these tiny pills are even hard enough to negotiate! My definition of ease of access is being able to open them whilst driving (on a motorway with the cruise control on 70 mph); now you want me to tell you I’m kidding but you know that’s not about to happen!! Fiddly and not especially effective is the verdict; but of course had I had these 5 years ago I wouldn’t be developing a long term relationship with the Dental Hospital. Next appointment is on Friday and I have to decide whether to tell the Consultant that I’d prefer not to be called ‘Lovely’ i.e. ‘You’re doing really well lovely’ More interesting is the propensity of the same Dentist to refer to women assisting him as Lovely unless he’s flirting with them when he uses their name…
I have had to adjust what I eat ever since the dental sensitivity set in which can be a little limiting – currently there are two/three teeth in a row are broken which necessitates chewing on one side. I feel like a Mynaer bird with a quizzical look! Broken teeth cause havock on onews tongue which is a new sensation to add to the audit of pain symptoms; and it bloody stings when swilling with mouthwash – the air is practically blue!
A helpful assistant in Morrisons saw me buying sugar free Werthers (yes I know its a cliché but its the closest approximation to a good old fashioned butterscotch I can find – am I the only person who remembers butterscotch in sticks that had a thistle on the box?). She was pointing out that there was an offer on the sweets in packets instead of loose in the little boxes; they were much cheaper so I bought them. Now here comes the cost versus value debate. Yes the loose in boxes ones are more expensive BUT they are loose i.e. do not have wrappers to negotiate. In the packets each individual sweet is sealed in its own tiny envelope; ha what a joy for the woman who can’t feel her fingers! Pity I hadn’t worked it out before buying SIX packets (it was a time limited offer). And yes these are decanted by yours truly into jars too!
I could go on but will finish by telling you how weird it is to feel things that aren’t there; when I take my shoes off I can still feel them even though they aren’t there anymore. I have to look to check; ditto jewellery, in fact ditto everything. I alarmed Ma by saying I couldn’t tell without looking whether my trousers were done up; heavens she might have a daughter who finds herself in public with her flies undone! But hey it’s no worse than removing bones from one bra in a meeting!!
PS I know there is an extra ‘w’ somewhere because I spotted it when proofing but now I can’t find it for the life of me! Excuse this omission!